Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Marriage Matters


by Molly McAllister 

I am one of the fortunate ones.  

Nearly 3 years after I married my high school sweetheart, I realized I was gay.   Driving down a Bainbridge road in my dad’s yellow Cadillac, I broached the subject tentatively.

Me:     “Dad?”  
Dad :  “Yes, honey?” 
Me:     “I have a crush.”  
Dad:    “Oh, honey, what’s his name?” 

[Heavy pause.  My dad’s hand instinctively goes to my knee.]

 Dad:    “Oh, sweetheart, what’s her name?” 

[Deep sigh - Deep relief]

Like I said, I am one of the lucky ones.  I had instant love and support from my family when I realized that I was (and am) gay.  After the champagne cork of my sexuality unhinged itself, I met the woman of my dreams – the tall and talented April.  Nine years later, I am so proud to say that we share a lovely and oh-so-gregarious daughter, Ms. Harper, and have a boy on the way.  We are a family, a loving and happy family, and I couldn’t feel more fortunate.  

About 5 years ago, April and I had a beautiful ceremony on the shores of Lake Union.  We exchanged rings, and wept as my sister and brother-in-law took us through our vows in front of over 200 guests.  Minute by minute, it was the best day of my life.  Aside from our daughter’s birth, I think I can say that my beautiful wife feels the same.

But wife?  She’s not really that, is she?  Not in the eyes of the law, at least.
  
And that breaks my heart.  She is my wife, and so much more.  She is my heart.  My love.  My big ol’ four-leaf clover.  My reason for waking up, and crawling back into bed at night.  Always.  In sickness and in health until death do us part, you know?  I always said that April was like the icing on my little cake of life.  And that’s exactly how marriage feels to me.  It would feel awfully good to be married to the love of my life, to be seen as equal in the eyes of the law, and to call her “my wife.” 

I can’t imagine a better way to say to the world, ‘Hey, we love each other!’ than getting hitched.  Let’s hope that, someday, we can.


Molly McAllister is a Pride Foundation Parent Ambassador, volunteering her time to share her story in order to change hearts and minds around the freedom to marry.  To get involved email Laurie or visit WhyMarriageMattersWashington.

  


19 comments:

  1. For me, marriage has nothing to do with "rights" and that's from a heterosexual perspective. I have been married for 21 years, We have a home but we don't have material things, like multiple properties or other assets. I never sought someone for a benefit of any kind. I wanted someone who would make me laugh and support me by being there. Maybe I think this because we don't fight, there's nothing to fight over. Why is a right or document so important?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yet you're still married. Why should that privilege be afforded to you and not to other loving adult couples?

      Delete
    2. Also from a heterosexual perspective....
      It's about equal rights for all!!! What gives one person (you) the RIGHT over another to say it shouldn't matter! Maybe it matters to them and doesn't to you; everyone deserves the right to freedom of choice. Those documents do matter even if you're ignorant to the fact...a legal partner DOES have so many more rights. How about issues such as life or death, custody of children, finances...! Imagine if someday your partner was in a horrible accident and the decision of life support or no support needs to be made...Will someone tell you that you don't have the right to be there or even make that decision. Will his family shun you from his funeral, will you get some sort of financial support from his death because you had a document? A document affords rights and who are we, you, I to say I have rights but not you? Shame shame shame on those who think they have that right!
      Jennifer DeMott

      Delete
  2. I think it would have been great if Civil Unions one day became more popular than "getting married". Talk about having it all, and having earned it!

    Instead, Gay activists have taken the easier and more manipulative way out, playing the victim game and turning the country against itself over the issue of gay marriage.

    I find the whole gay marriage debate filled with excessive narcissism simply because tens of millions of heterosexuals never get married out of fear they will have a child either at the wrong time, or with the wrong person.

    Gay marriages when legalized, will be much more agile, at any given time a gay couple will be able to decide to have a family, heterosexuals, it's just not as simple as that.

    While the neo con religious zealouts battle it out with the whoa is me gay activists, the silent majority just sits it out on the sidelines knowing that both sides are wrong to some extent simply because they choose to battle each other with out addressing other salient issues.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tens of millions? Out of fear they will have a child at the wrong time or with the wrong person? What planet are you from? Your arguments make absolutely no sense.

      Delete
    2. "at any given time a gay couple will be able to decide to have a family, heterosexuals, it's just not as simple as that" I'm no expert, and I'm not gay but I believe that in order to "have a family" (i'm assuming you mean have children) a same sex couple must adopt, get a sperm or egg donor and/or a surrogate. A heterosexual couple has all these options too, plus they can just have sex. How is this more complicated not less for a hetero couple?

      Delete
  3. It is just so simple. One human being loving another with no concern about what particular sex either of them should be. Everyone deserves the same rights, period.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm aware that people have their own history that impels them to take sides on this issue. As in previous times when groups were denied their rights, people who did not know the individuals tended to be critical, those who knew them for their character and integrity were more supportive. I am one of the latter as I have a lovely daughter who's in an amazing marriage bountiful with love and I couldn't be more happy or supportive of not only Molly and April (who I regard as another of my 4 daughters) but of the life they've built together. It's a marriage of minds and hearts. --- Molly and April's dad, Harper and the soon to be boy's grampa.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are a beautiful person and have a beautiful family. Thanks for sharing your love with all of us.
    Can't wait for you to be able to get officially married someday. The writing is on the wall this one. It is just a matter of time.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was so happy to read your beautiful story. You life seems so full of love it is only natural to want to share that love through marriage. The inequality with which our government and society places on gay rights is appalling. To live in a free society means all should have equal rights, and when there is a discrepancy we want to believe swift changes will occur, unfortunately this is not the case. Let's keep our voices loud and hope, soon, you children are walking with you down the isle!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Stephanie BenedictAugust 17, 2012 at 9:45 AM

    So incredibly happy to read this Molls!! You are so brave and beautiful and to read of your happiness makes me melt inside. We could all learn so much from you and your sweet family and everything you stand for. I hope your dream of making your marriage legal in the eyes of the law comes true.....and I know it will!
    ..

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great story.... I understand personally and as the mom of a gay son! Thank you for sharing your love!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, Molly, this is so beautiful. If only the whole world could know you and April. That is what would change hearts and minds. You deserve to have all of the benefits that marrying the love of your life brings. There should be no more waiting. Some have the privilege to marry and some do not? How can that be right? How can some people justify that? It is time for everyone in this country to have the right to marry. Simple. Period. That's it. We are the luckiest in this world, because we have you, April, sweet Harper, and her Baby Brother in our lives. We love you all so much!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for sharing. Lovely! Congrats on the growing family.

    Go Ref 74! Hearts and minds are changing.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Marriage is a good thing that gets better with the years. I have been married for 51 years. We know about sickness and health - and now about the importance of shared memories. Both become more important as we live the later years of our lives. We have friends and relatives who are in the middle part of life who also seek the security and peace of mind that marriage offers. We support the freedom to marry under the laws of the state that would come with the passage of Referendum 74. It is about love and commitment - not about gender.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Very nice posting related marriage. I like it

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for sharing such a nice story. Marriage is very important for every one. Good life partner make your life happy

    ReplyDelete
  14. Okay some bitch nigga I was datIn HAD THE SMALLEST DICK well after 3 days Of marriage he wanna goddamn divorce. Iwas like look HERE LITTLE PUNK ASS PRICK I TEAR YOU A NEW

    ReplyDelete